Plumbing With Explosives
by TimidBookworm
Summary: "Mikey, why is the couch soaked?" And thus ensues the epic pantomime of mimicry, and mischief, and...oh what the heck. Its a ridiculous story of ninjas, too much t.v., and an honest mistake that goes horribly wrong.


A/N: This mayhem is the result of myself, SkittleBunny117, and my older sister having _way_ too much fun. So yes, I can't claim that this came completely from my head.

**SkittleBunny117: Hijacking in progress! She left her laptop unattended! Muwahahahaha! Now to tell you what really happened at Blood Gulch Outp- wait. This isn't the right story, how did I get here? Run! Hide! Log off! Log off! Crap! ...ow**

I apologize, she gets a little too overenthusiastic for her own good sometimes.

**SkittleBunny117: I will be avenged! Attack my bunny! Attack Trevor! Attack!**

Oh my... now I'll have to go and calm her down. Please remember that this story was entirely for the fun of it, and therefore shouldn't really be taken seriously.

Disclaimer: I had a...where did...ah! There's my list! Ahem, I don't own, or have any association with, TMNT or its characters, Julia Child, the t.v. shows DEA, Cops, Police Women of Broward County, The Joker, Sherlock Holmes, Princess Toad, Captain America, or... Cheetos! Phew now that's done...wait, I should probably also say I've never seen an episode of a certain show (that shall remain un-named) that actually contained pipe bombs or other explosives.

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Plumbing With Explosives

Leo comes into the living room to find Mikey in his ridiculous set of bath wear. Sometimes he wondered why his younger brother bothered, they didn't wear clothes so what was the point of donning a fluffy orange robe about the house before taking a shower? This time around it isn't Mike's odd habits that grab Leonardo's attention however.

"Mikey, why is the couch soaked?"

"It's not my fault honest! You see the evil Princess Toad had the brave Captain America in her clutches when -"

"Wait, what? There are so many things wrong with that sentence I'm not even sure I want to ask. But not the point, how did you manage to drench the couch?"

"It was... Raph. Dude, he is such a hot head sometimes." Mike smiles sheepishly trying and failing (for once) to look innocent.

Leo raises an eye ridge at the younger turtle. "Nice try, I was just sparring with Raph in the dojo. And that still doesn't explain _why_ our furniture is dripping."

"I was watering my Cheetos bush!" Mike exclaims throwing up his arms as if it was incredible that Leo hadn't thought of that justification and unintentionally sending his bath brush flying.

"I could _almost_ believe that coming from you, only God knows how many of those things you've lost in the sofa. Now seriously, where did the water come from?"

"A miniature rainforest!"

"Mikey!"

Mike, sensing his sibling's waning patience, sighs in defeat. "I was on my way to take a shower, when all of a sudden there was this crackling sound and BAM! water fell from the ceiling like a crazy flood and the villagers had to run for their lives but not to worry because Turtle Titan was h-"

"Mikey!"

"Right! Round-about point – there's a crack in the ceiling above the couch. Everything got wet!" The orange masked turtle points to ceiling looking a little deflated, he had been cut off from fully describing the epic event.

Following Mike's finger, a frown appears on the eldest turtle's face at the fracture that he finds in the roof. He contemplates the odd sight for a moment before opening mouth to speak –

"KLUNK!" Mike suddenly shouts as he ducks to the other side of the couch, re-appearing with a sopping wet cat, "My poor boy! Did the bad water get you?" He hugs his cat closely to his chest, "Did you get a bath?"

The blue masked turtle shakes his head. "I'll have to get Donny to take a look at it before we can try to repair anything." He says more to himself then Mike.

"How can you think of the ceiling at a time like this?" Mike cries in disbelief shoving Klunk into Leo's face. "Can't you see how upset Klunk is? You heartless fiend!"

Leonardo has to suppress an eye roll. "I'm sure you'll get him fix up in no time Mike, but we really do need to address the ceiling." he drawls in a voice befitting of someone who was dealing with an overdramatic child.

Mike turns his back on Leo, acting as if he hadn't heard him. "Don't worry Klunk I'll have you dried off in a minute." He coos to the cat as he walks to the bathroom, picking up his brush as he goes.

Once Mikey is out of sight Leo face-palms, sometimes he just couldn't understand his youngest brother. Taking one last look at the good sized crack in the ceiling he makes his way over to his genius brother's sanctuary.

"Uh, Donny you're going to have to come take a look at this..." he says hesitantly from the lab's door.

The olive green turtle is hunched over his computer, typing at light speed, but swivels in his chair as Leo speaks. "Now what did you guys break?" He asks a bit annoyed, obviously he had been working on something and didn't appreciate the interruption.

Immediately the older turtle raises his hands in a gesture of harmlessness. "Hey, wasn't me – actually, it wasn't any of us. There's a crack in the living room ceiling, some of the furniture got wet."

At this Donatello suddenly stands in slight alarm, ridges furrowing in concern and confusion. "There's a crack in the ceiling? Any water flow?"

Leo shakes his head. "No, at least not now. Mike claims the ceiling cracked then soaked the living room and that's it."

Don relaxes as a wry grin overtakes his face. " 'Mike claims'? You sure the ceiling's to blame then? Not the Lock Ness Monster?"

"Actually it was the evil Princess Toad. Though there is a chance that he's farming a field of junk food in the living room."

"NO KLUNK YOU'RE STILL WET!" A voice suddenly booms.

"MIKEY!"

Leo and Don share a glance of raised eye ridges.

"RUN KLUNK! RUN!"

"I'M GUNNA KILL YOU AND YOUR CAT!"

The 2 come out to main room to find their siblings making a humanoid turtle race track out of the living room with the couch in the middle and a dishevelled looking drenched cat perched on top.

"LEEEEEOOOOOO!" Mike cries as he hides behind said turtle and pushes him ahead slightly. "Help!"

"OUTTA THE WAY FEARLESS!" An enraged Raphael stomps up to them with water droplets running down his face.

What can only be described as 'Turtle Whack-A-Mole' ensues. With Mikey hiding like he was you could only see his head over his eldest brother's shoulder. Raph would take any target and thrust a fist at it only to have the family prankster evade and hide over the other shoulder, jerking poor Leo about as he went. A couple minutes pass and with this scene before him, Don has to suppress his giggles and in so doing regains enough composure to lightly collide his bo staff with Raph's head.

"I think that's enough of that." He says though not able to keep the smile off his face. The red masked turtle rubs his head, muttering darkly while Leo tries to get his balance back despite Mikey still holding on to him and smiling sheepishly. The cat in question has disappeared.

"Keep your damn cat outta my room Mikey...bad enough with the dead mice...shaking wet cat..." Raph half mumbles. The youngest looks like he might just go "eep!" and sprint off. Donny rolls his eyes.

The eldest finally regains his sense of balance and pries Mikey from his shoulders. "Where do we start Don?"

"Well we should start by naming off the suspects." Mike pipes up seriously, stroking his chin and adopting his odd imitation of Sherlock Holmes. "We have Mousers, but they've been out of the business for a while. Random construction, but I doubt there's anything so close to the Lair. Earthquake – that no one felt. Or, the Joker. My money's definitely on the Joker." He states giving a quick matter-of-fact nod.

The other three just stare at him a moment before Raph recovers from his shock to whack Mike upside the head.

"Ow..."

"Right...anyway, first things first." Don says continuing on, "We need to get a closer look at the fracture itself, see what damage has been done. From there we'll hopefully be able to determine the problem and address it."

"Good thinking Watson!" The youngest agrees.

"Knock it off!" Raph smacks Mikey a second time.

"Ow..." Leo and Don roll their eyes again, and with that start their examination of their roof.

Only a few minutes later Don releases a small sigh. "We're going to have to go out into the sewers to get a look at the other side of this thing, I'm not getting much from this end."

The other three take his word for it, so without question the four of them leave their subterranean home to continue their investigation. After placing a temporary patch on the ceiling of course.

Several minutes later, just as they're getting close to where the crack should be, they stop as voices float to them from around the next corner.

"Why is it so dark in here?" a male voice complains.

"Oh, I don't know...maybe because you broke the flashlight?" The second man sounds older and quite exasperated.

"Not my fault! That rat was like freaking HUGE!"

"That was nothing. I've seen bigger – and it knew Ninjitsu!"

"Quit trying to scare me! You know I'm scared of the dark!"

"That's pathetic! How the hell did you become a ninja?"

The turtles all look at one another and mischievous grins overtake them. Donatello turns off the flashlight that he had brought with them and the four of them round the corner to sneak up on the people.

"Shh!" the second voice says suddenly, "I thought I heard something and I can't hear through all you're whimpering!"

"Did you just touch me?" the first whimpers.

"No..." Don turns on the flashlight and blinds the Foot ninja in front of him.

"AHHH!" the two humans screech. All too easily, the ninjas are 'incapacitated'. Don and Raph go examine the crack (conveniently nearby) while Leo and Mike are left to tie up the humans. Unbeknownst to the turtles the first ninja wakes in the middle of their assessment of the hole and the man has a slight internal panic – it's his 1st time seeing these creatures.

"What the hell?" Raphael barks pointing to the odd sight of the hole, "What's up with that?"

"I deduce that a tiny incinorary thingy has been dropped here recently." Mikey comments, again imitating Sherlock Holmes.

"I think you mean incendiary." Leo corrects.

"Ya that!"

"Oh shut it shell-fer-brains!"

Mike continues his evaluation while dodging his hot-headed brother's swinging hand, Raph growling the entire time. "You can tell by the scorch marks here, here, aaand here!" Then he trips over the second ninja.

"Actually...I think Mikey's right." Don says in slight surprise.

"Really?" Mike and Raph say in unison.

"Yeah. Those guys are Foot, which we well know carry small munitions on them from time to time. If they're carrying and happened to drop one the consequential muffled explosion could have resulted in-"

Raph cuts him off before he explains until next Tuesday, "Okay Donny we get it! Mini-bomb on sewer floor equals crack in our ceiling."

"It's a piipe booomb bitches!" Mike adds with a horrible gangster accent, hand gestures and all.

"Okay, no more 'Cops' for you." Raph grunts while hauling his brother to his feet.

"But you stay up watching Cops and DEA and Police Women Of Broward County and those shows about the prison lock-up-"

"Guys quiet!" Leo hisses and they all freeze. The blue masked turtle takes Donny's flashlight and walks over to the tied up ninjas, examines the first one for a moment then nudges him with a foot.

"What business does the Foot have in this area of the sewers?" Leo authoritatively asks as he crouches by the ninja. He can tell the guy's awake, he's been muttering something for a couple minutes.

"I'm asleep, I'm asleep, I'm asleep, I'm asleep, I'm asleep-"

"You're awake. Now talk."

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are, how else could we be conversing?"

"Telepathy." The ninja replies in a slightly cheery, yet matter-of-fact kind of way. All is silent for a moment before Mike and Raph snort and try (yet for the most part fail) to stifle their giggles, Don covers his mouth in his attempts not to laugh, and Leo's only indication of amusement is that the corner of his mouth twitches for a second.

"Right, so with our telepathic abilities you'll be able to answer my questions. Asleep or not."

"Hmm... didn't consider that prospect. I think I'd like to change my answer." That sends Mikey and Raph over the edge as what little control they had smashes and they burst into laughter, Don still manages to contain himself though is visibly struggling to do so.

"How about this? Answer and I'll let you 'sleep'." Leo continues, obviously having much better control over himself then his brothers. The ninja doesn't respond for a good five minutes, in which time the turtles settle down, before Leo speaks again. "I know you're still awake so there's no point in pretending."

The ninja hesitantly opens an eyelid before slowly looking over at his unconscious partner, coming back to look blankly at his interrogator.

"We were supposed to be on a reconnaissance mission for Karai but you didn't hear it from me."

"Guys we're going to need some supplies to patch this up." Don says abruptly, apparently not even paying attention to the Foot anymore.

"But what about the Foot?" Raph asks.

"The structural integrity of our home comes first!" Leo declares. The turtles start to depart, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible.

"Ya I guess," Raph sighs, "What if a large chunk broke off and hit Master Splinter in the head while he was meditatin'?"

Ever the one to state the obvious Mike is the one to answer, though obviously a little confused. "Why would Master Splinter be meditating in the living room?"

"He does put forth a sound point." Don agrees.

"It doesn't matter," Leo dismisses, "Master Splinter wouldn't fall prey to a simple piece of falling debris." They're about to round the corner when the conscious Foot ninja suddenly yells to them.

"Uh, Turtle Men? You aren't going to leave us here...in _the dark_... are you?"

"I could knock ya out if that would make ya feel better." Raph offers, cracking his knuckles menacingly.

"No, no that's fine. I've changed my mind, I think I'm starting to come around to this 'darkness' thing."

The four teenagers return home to get supplies and find their father and sensei in the middle of the living room looking very serious.

"I came back from my morning meditation and was on my way to the kitchen for an invigorating cup of green tea." The elderly rat begins as they come in, "Imagine my surprise, my sons, when I discovered that it was raining in my living room. The weather seems to have cleared since then but I have noticed a rather large hole in the ceiling. Does anyone care to explain?"

They look at one another for a moment, Mikey trying his hardest not to laugh for the now slightly wet patch job _did_ kind of resemble a cloud, before Don abruptly heads to his lab muttering "I have to get some tools."

Mike, getting a hold on himself and realising just how cross his father seems to be, quickly follows saying, "I have to go find Klunk. He's probably wet. And cold. And alone." Then he races off, leaving Leonardo and Raphael to explain to their disgruntled father why his living room is wet.

Moments after their situation was rectified and the eldest turtles had succeeded in avoiding punishment for the four of them, a shriek of horror (obviously from the youngest) filled the Lair.

Michelangelo comes back into the main room with a giant poof ball of a cat. "What happened?" he asks of his family in a slightly broken voice.

"I took the liberty of blow-drying our beloved feline friend." Splinter calmly replies, "He was leaving little wet paw prints all over my study – meditation became an impossibility."

Don comes back into the room with his duffle bag thrown over his shoulder. "I got my tools guys." Confusion paints his features as he takes a look at Mikey. "What's that? When'd you get a fluffy orange cushion?"

"Ya, he looks like a tea cosy." Raph smirks.

"What?" Mike asks affronted, "You never seen an orange brotha with a 'fro?"

In response Leo turns to his Sensei, "Master Splinter I believe that we should ban Mikey from watching cop shows."

"I have done that many nights ago my son, I do believe the culprit is 'Pimp My Automobile'." Raphael face palms behind his Master's back while the others just look on, but because Master Splinter was very old and very wise, and _usually_ cinematically accurate, they did not correct him.

Through the patch in the ceiling comes a despairing wail accompanied by scuffling and slight banging sounds, "Something just ran over my foot! Don't leave us here in the dark!"

"Don't worry we'll return you to your Mistress later." Leo calls back.

"NOOOOOOO! Anything but her!"

They look at one other with wide grins plastered to each face while all suppress giggles, Splinter just sighs.

"Shut up! I have a headache!" comes a second, pissed off, voice from the fracture in the ceiling.

"I think a cup of tea is in order." Splinter shuffles off to kitchen.

"O-kay we should go return the loudest ninjas on the planet to their mistress."

The four teenagers turn to leave when their sensei calls from kitchen: "By the way Michelangelo, I do believe you've kept the television company far too long this month. Perhaps you should take up a less influential hobby. Mah jong may help to focus your scattered mind."

Mike whimpers and pouts with puppy dog eyes.

From the patch in the ceiling: "Don't do it ol' man! You can't bring a brotha down like that!" CRACK "OW!"

"Shut up! You're a white guy from the suburbs and your mom picked out your smart car!"

"I put flames on it!"

"That just made it worse!" Much muffled impact noises come from above.

"Ya think they got outta their binds yet?" Raph asks absent-mindedly, staring up at the patch.

"No," Don replies evenly, "I think they're trying to either head butt each other or kick one another, there's also the chance that the mouthy one is trying to bite the other's nose off."

"I think it may be time to hasten our guests home I just realized that there is not enough tea in the world." The turtles look at each other in slight bewilderment as Splinter emerges from the kitchen with a steaming mug in hand. "Besides, my stories will be on soon."

"But Master the living room furniture is soaking wet." Leo says, stating the obvious.

"I am a master my son, I have sat under waterfalls for hours in contemplation." The old rat momentarily closes his eyes before re-opening one. Seeing that his sons are leaving once again he adds quietly, "I will put a towel down."

After repairing the hole in the ceiling the turtles loaded up the van to take the lousy ninjas back to their Mistress. They sped through the streets of New York when suddenly a voice piped up from the back.

"How'd the old guy know about Pimp My...Vehicle?" the idiotic Foot ninja asks.

"You've watch the show every day for the last 5 years, and you can't remember the title?" the other Foot mumbles, "You're an idiot."

"It's not my fault! My mother doesn't like me using language from the other side of the tracks. She gets all prissy and says I was raised to speak English properly."

"Then what does she think 'pimped' means?"

"She thinks it means coated in a sugary frosting!"

"Oh! You think we could get one of our rides pimped? Maybe the shell cycle!" Mikey enthusiastically suggests to his brothers, completely ignoring the humans.

"You touch my bike and your dead." Raph snaps, "The only people that can touch it is me, and those bike shop guys from TV…and maybe Donny."

"Once a week at least!" Donny protests, "I help you maintain that thing!"

"What about the Battle Shell?" Mike inquires as if he didn't hear his brothers.

"NO!" Everyone shouts back.

"You're right, its already pimped up enough – it has missile launchers!"

Leo lets out a long-suffering sigh and, ignoring the rest of Mikey's ranting, turns to the genius turtle. "How do you think the bomb was triggered? Was it something long range or do you really think it was merely those Foot dropping or tripping over it?"

"I think it was TELEPATHY!" The idiotic Foot declares.

"Someone kill me now." the other Foot says miserably, rhythmically bagging his head on the side of the van. Raph smirks before shuffling around in the back.

"Mrgfhhhghrfg!"

The red masked turtle chuckles, "So much for 'telepathy'."

Arriving at Foot tower, the turtles pile out of the van and take their live cargo to the roofs in order to enter through a window on the same floor as Karai's office. Once in, they're surrounded by masses of Foot in a matter of seconds.

Karai gracefully gets to her feet and comes around the side of her desk, regarding the turtles coolly. "Why have you entered my compound?"

Leonardo opens his mouth in a dignified manner to give an elegant response-

Mike jumps up, "Because we got blowed up by a pipe bomb ninja bitches!" Raph immediately covers his brother's mouth.

"Actually we came to return your Foot ninjas." Don supplies casually as he and Leo dump the two men in front of them.

"You blithering idiots." Karai seethes at the two, "I ask you to go on a nice QUIET reconnaissance mission and YOU trip over a BOMB."

"You mean it's not yours?" Leo can't help but ask.

"Nuh uh." The idiotic ninja replies, shaking his head.

"Why didn't you tell us that?" Raph snaps.

"You never asked!" the man whines, stiffening immediately upon seeing his Mistress coldly glaring at him.

Mike licks Raph's hand. "Wait a minute – could that have actually been a pipe bomb? I'm telling you I'm keeping it real! I got the 4-1-1 on your 9-1-1 home slice!"

Don finally loses patience with his younger brother. "I'm giving him a sedative when we get home, preferable something I can hide in his peanut butter."

"Aw...why do you have to keep bringing me down dawg?" The orange banded turtle drawls.

"Dog?" Karai asks in dignified confusion, "I thought you were all turtles."

Don shakes his head and sighs, "Something strong, perhaps something that can knock out elephants."

Leo puts a hand on Don's shoulder, turning him toward the window they'd come through, "Leaving now. So sorry for the interruption, so sorry." With that Leo and Don disappear out the window, Raph hauling Mikey along with him.

"Bye Karai!" Mike says cheerily before he too disappeared out the window, leaving the Foot ninja all very confused.

Back out on the roof, on their way back down to the van, Raphael poses a question to whoever would listen, "Why are we _not_ kickin' some ninja ass again?"

Don holds up what looks like a customized and slightly melted plastic bottle with a cornucopia design in response, "Because I discovered this in the debris of the bomb."

"Elementary my red banded idiot friend." Mike briefly returns to Sherlock Holmes, "Watson has cleverly preserved a clue for me that proves the soft drink industry of New York City has been infiltrated by corrupt Purple Dragon goons who plan to knock us all out by placing a hypnotic in our Root Beers!"

"Actually," Don interrupts, "it just proves that the culprit was eating at 'The Greek Harvest' restaurant on Elm Street where they bottle their own special Mediterranean fruit punch. And as we all know Karai is allergic to oregano. So she would not be eating there and neither would her minions if they want to keep their hands."

"Then why haven't we ever used it in battle?" Raph demands.

"That's not the way we fight Raph." Leo explains calmly.

"That's a waste of oregano bitches!" the youngest turtle exclaims with his gangster accent.

"One more word out of you and I'm going to wash your mouth out with soap." Leo warns coolly.

"You'll have to catch me first!"

An unknown amount of time later the four terrapin, dressed in their topside disguises, enter 'The Greek Harvest'. Side-stepping the greeter, the four of them start edging their way around the room keeping their eyes peeled for possible clues. They spot a pair of familiar faces amidst the crowd. April and Casey seem to be on a date, Casey's in a monkey suit while April is looking quite elegant in vintage green satin.

"Guys!" Casey calls, spotting the bunch, cheerily waving his hand. Once the turtles are close enough the man pulls Raph in and whispers desperately, "Get me outta here she's got me trussed up like a turkey for Christmas!"

The red masked turtle just grins evilly, releasing himself from the vigilante's grip. "Having a good evening are we?"

"What are you guys doing here?" April asks in surprise.

"We're looking for -" Leo starts.

"A pipe bomb bitches!" Mike interrupts. The wait staff froze momentarily looking around nervously and a few even whispering "Where?" before resuming their work.

"Mikey stop that!" The eldest turtle snaps.

"Actually we're looking for clues." Donny fills in, "It appears that our home has been attacked. When we went to investigate we found-"

"A pipe bo- ooo, pudding!" Mike jovially bounces over to the dessert buffet.

Donny huffs, "I was _going_ to say we found a partially melted bottle which suggests the culprit ate here. I wonder if the Purple Dragons frequent this restaurant."

"Why the Purple Dragons?" April asks.

Leo shrugs. "Well, they seem to be the only current group who would go in for a-"

"A pipe bomb bitches!" Mikey shouts again, gesturing wildly with his spoon raining globs of pudding on the floor. Everyone groans.

"Right dude, you've had enough pudding for today." Casey steps forward to take the bowl from Mikey and slips in a gob of banana cream knocking the turtle's hand. The dessert goes flying and lands with a _splat!_ on Raph's surprised face.

Raph grabs his youngest brother and shakes, "Okay look – you're not from the East side or the West side or any side for that matter! Ya live underground!"

"I'm from the Under Side! Where we are threatened by flash floods and men in dark jump suits AND pipe bombs bitches!" Mike replies gleefully.

April abruptly shoves an apple in his mouth. "Eat something."

"You're starting to sound like a Greek grandma." Casey smirks.

"And you..." she turns to her boyfriend and holds up another apple menacingly. He holds up his hands in surrender.

"Well," she says relinquishing the apple and turning back to the turtles, "if that's true this must be quite a popular restaurant. One of the Justice Force guys eat here too, he's the one who gave me the bottle that I put your sodium in Don."

"My what?"

"The sodium. You remember, the stuff I got you for that experiment last week. Something about unstable substances that react to water? You wanted to test the sewers' stability with certain reactions." Donny looked suddenly ill.

"Oh, I just remembered – I left a Bunsen burner on in my lab." And he raced out of the restaurant.

"You mean we've been listenin' to Mikey's yap all night because of you?" Raph shouts, chasing him out.

"Bye guys," Leo sighs, then leaves the restaurant at a more dignified pace looking about 100 years old. April and Casey look at Mikey expectantly.

Mike just shrugs. "Pudding." He says and munches happily for a moment on his second bowl. After a small span of silence he suddenly says, "Hey guys, I think Julia Child would tell Donny: 'If it breaks a little there's no need to worry, you can just put it back together.'"

April cringes knowing full well that he'd be doing a bad imitation of Julia Child for the next three days.

* * *

Have you survived our silly chaos? Would you care to leave a review? We'd love to hear it.

**SkittleBunyy117: But we're also very afraid! Be Kind! Be Kind! Trevor is under the desk again!**


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